As most everyone now knows, our sweet baby girl, Enslie June, has some special needs. If you want the long story…you can find it here. A Story About a Girl Named Enslie June
In the year since her diagnosis I have learned so much…about her, about me, about the world as a whole and about others who struggle in ways similar to ours. Here are just a few of my new insights.
#1 – It is possible to fall in love with a baby that you’ve never actually met…or many of them, as is my case. Since, putting Enslie’s story out there…I have watched as many people who have either never met her or only in passing have grown to have a genuine love for my baby. People I have never met – pray for her, worry with us and share in our joy at her accomplishments. It is seriously the sweetest thing to witness. And, I now have this need to find others “like” us…and have began following so many of their stories on Instagram and Facebook. I suddenly and genuinely care so much about these kiddos and their parents…people that I would never have even known existed if it wasn’t for Enslie’s condition. I sought them out as insight into what to expect (thinking about me, me, me) but accidentally fell in love with them. It puts a lot of things into perspective…and that’s good. It also adds to my list of things/people to pray/worry about but overall it is so good.
#2- I have learned that we do not all have the same purpose in this life. I’m sad to admit that I honestly think in the back of my mind, I believed that our purpose was to contribute to society in some way. Meaning…work, teach, be productive, etc. I don’t know how I failed to see that some of the most productive people in this world can actually contribute so little. And just the opposite…some people who aren’t capable of “doing” that much can teach and show more good to the world than any fully “able” bodied person. Bringing joy to people actually means so much more than what you can do for them.
#3 – It is possible to continue living life, going to work, going to sleep, laughing, smiling…all while being scared to death at the exact same time. I, recently, worked up the nerve to ask Dusty if he worried about her dying. He said, “yes, every single day.” My response, “good…it’s not just me.” Keep in mind we have no reason to think that anything will happen to her. She has a total of zero major health issues that we are aware of right now. The fact is though…so little is known of her condition or syndrome or abnormality or whatever you want to call it. I compare it to the first few weeks of bringing home your first born. When you just keep staring at them to make sure they are breathing…surely all parents do this right?!? It is just that nagging feeling…but to date, it still hasn’t gone away. I don’t know if it will? When she’s 15 am I still going to be fighting the urge to go look at her during the night just to make sure? When she’s 35 and hopefully at her own home? I don’t know. While it can be all consuming, it also isn’t. I’m not getting up every time I think about it. I’m trying to treat her more her age. I’ve made the conscious decision to just resist it…keep going. And that’s what we do…just keep going and assume that everything will be fine.
#4 – The main thing I’ve learned…people are by far overwhelmingly good. People care. People love. We all have so much going on…we’re all fighting our own battles but when you get to the root of people (even those you don’t like) they are for the most part good. We need to remember this. I need to remember this.
A little Ennie update…she stood up unassisted 3 times this week (the longest was for about 10 seconds). She has shocked us by going pee on the potty 3 times recently (2 times in one night). She had taken a break from practicing walking for a couple weeks…which I didn’t really appreciate but is now back at it. She is a good girl. She’s for the most part ignoring the Christmas tree and presents, except for one low hanging ornament that needs an occasional pat. She makes sounds to the syllables of “I love you.” That probably doesn’t make a lot of sense but basically you can tell what she’s saying even without the words being fully there. She has randomly said mom, no, baba, dada and our favorite was boob when Brinnie bit my mom’s and we all died laughing. None of these have been more than a time or two but we take what we can get. She’s still checking everyone else’s “diapers.” She fake falls & fake laughs. She navigates all over the place in her walker. She’s still obsessed with books. And…I’m still her favorite so that makes me smile! 🙂 Thank you all for caring enough to read about her!